Addicted to Comfort

I am addicted to comfort. I love a comfortable, pleasant atmosphere. I love a comfortable home. I love a comfortable bed. I love a good book and fresh cup of coffee. I love afternoon naps. I love quiet mornings, starry nights, rocking chairs, crisp autumn air, warm apple pie and a fresh cup of coffee - these things bring me peace. (Did I mention coffee?) I strive to create a comfortable, peaceful atmosphere in my home - and I find it near impossible to be content otherwise. If I could live a trial free existence, I would. I dislike pain and discomfort of any kind....I am a comfort addict.

The Lord has convicted me, that this is sin. It is my flesh that cries out "ME! ME! COMFORT ME!" I want to "Comfort myself, have some else carry my cross, and follow Him..." But I know the Word says, "Deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow Me."

But, denial of self is impossible for me to choose on my own! It is only by the power of His Holy Spirit that He can accomplish this in me. Thank God that He has me on such a short leash...

He knows my comfort 'addiction' and my struggle with discontentment. His prescription? His only cure? Repentance. I am absolutely convinced, He orchestrates the events in my life perfectly, to remind me of my continual and desperate need to repent of this sin.

For example, every morning I have 'quiet time' with the Lord on our back patio. However, it isn't exactly 'quiet', as I find my flesh argues and screams internally as it wars against the Spirit. God has ordained this time with me as His battleground against my flesh. The time and place set aside, where He beats it into submission.

From the moment I open that backdoor to our patio, I am greeted with a blanket of warm humid air. It hits me like a wall, and I am instantly reminded of how much I hate Texas weather. I can't help but ask myself for the millionth time, "Why am I here, again?" I take a deep breath as the smell of city air flows through my nostrils. I proceed to wrap myself in my blanket out of pure rebellion to the weather. It is October after all, it should be cold - I refuse to accept this as normal! Then, I plant myself on my very uncomfortable wrought iron patio set (my garage sale find). I listen to my neighbors' garage doors open, cars drive by, and horns honking in the distance. Most of the time, a train will go by (less than a block from our house). I look around at my 10x10 backyard and smell for the hundredth time that my dog has yet again urinated on my bird bath. I stare at my tree (yes, just one little tree ). I look at the sky-no stars. I peer beyond my fence to the sea of brick houses as I watch the sun begin to rise over their rooftops.

I close my eyes in a futile attempt to block out my surroundings and I will myself to pray. But my mind is filled with only complaints. I try not to remember the two lovely acres in the heart of the Gold Country that we left behind; with trees in abundance - oaks, cedars, pines, apple, peach; the smell of clean fresh air, quiet mornings, star studded skies, and perfect weather with four full seasons in all of their glory! The temptation to look back and long for California is ever present.

That is when I am presented with the choice - flesh or Spirit. Which will I serve for the day? "...choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve... but as for me..." - I will serve the Lord. It starts with just one little confession, "Lord, forgive me for not being content with what you have given me and where you have me."

I wish I could say that He pats me on the back and says, "It's O.k., you're entitled to feel that way", but he doesn't. Instead, He delivers some pretty harsh rebukes, "For whom He loves, He chastens..."

He begins by reminding me of the Israelites and what happened to them when they 'looked back' and longed for Egypt. He reminds me, that I was a slave to mammon back then and he delivered me from bondage. He reminds me, that the only thing I 'deserve' is eternal death and damnation and it is only by the sacrifice of His life that He chose to lay down for mine, that I am even spared that. He reminds me that I have a home when others do not. I have health when others do not. He reminds me of the believers who are homeless, driven from their homes, sleeping on the jungle floors. He reminds me that EVERYTHING I have is given to me by His grace. Nothing is deserved! To complain for even one moment, is like a child who complains about their gifts on Christmas morning.

Then after I have been sufficiently torn down and humbled, He faithfully builds me back up...

He reminds me that HE alone is the true source of all my peace and comfort -that this world holds nothing for me. He reminds me that all things will disappoint this side of heaven and that He has gone to prepare a place for me - that this place is not my home...and for Pete's sake stop trying to make heaven on earth for yourself. He reminds me that the very things He has called me to do in this life are the very things that will be impossible for me to do in my flesh. They can only be done by the power of His Spirit working inside of me - lest I should boast. He reminds me that He has called me to 'deny myself'... but that is only something that can be done with HIS help.

In the end, when I have repented and submitted my will to His -I want what He has for me. I want my little brick house in the middle of a congested city. I want my 10x10 yard, stinky air, starless sky, and muggy mornings. I want these things because it's where HE has me, and it's what He has given me.

These are not things I could ever want in my flesh, but by His Spirit - I embrace them!

I would miss out on so much if I was 'comfortable'. If I had my life exactly as my flesh desired it, I would miss out on the depth of this life with Him. For comfort leads to complacency - I would rather spend the rest of my days 'uncomfortable' and on fire for Him...than 'comfortable' and complacent.

On a final note... By the end of our daily morning session, the marching band at the High School down the street habitually begins to tune their instruments. At first, this was like the last straw on the camels back for me - and I almost gave up on 'quiet times' outside altogether. But now...I have come to LOVE the sound of the clanging symbols and gongs... They are my final reminder before I begin the day, that have I not love, I am a noisy gong and clanging symbol.

The Lord has given us such a gift in the power of His Holy Spirit and when we choose to surrender to Him - We can LOVE any place He has us...wherever that may be.